Ben Paddon

Blog

  • The Written Word, Written Down

    I don’t write about my personal life much anymore.

    I have an anonymous blog. It’s elsewhere on the Internet, far from any servers or accounts with my name or email address attached to it. But I haven’t posted there in some time. I keep getting the urge, but it feels so… weightless. So inconsequential. It’s the same reason I don’t buy books for the Amazon Kindle – I don’t feel like I really have anything. I like the way books feel in my hands, the way the paper feels as I turn from one page to the next.

    With that in mind, I’ve decided that as soon as I’m able to do so I shall be popping out and getting a nice leatherbound Journal in which to write things down. Something swanky, like my own Journal of Impossible Things. I like the idea of being able to pick up these weighty books at some point in my future and reading through my exploits. What did 23 year-old Ben do in his spare time? What did he really think about that girl he met on the set of “Greek” all those years ago? Where did he go to eat, besides Jack in the Box?

    It’s a romantic thought. It’s probably also very, very silly, especially when you consider that my handwriting is so absolutely terrible that there are chickens out there who get all offended and uppity whenever anyone compares it to their scratchings. But it’s something I want to do. Something I’ve wanted to do for a while now. Considering I’ve already scratched off two of my lifelong ambitions in the past month, I figure it doesn’t hurt to go for a third, relatively minor ambition.

  • Ficly Friday

    My Ficlets are apparently archived, so I’m going to stop re-posting them here (not that I was posting them with any frequency anyway). In any case Kevin Lawver, the Father of Ficlets, recently launched a new website that is stunningly similar to the one AOL bought and subsequently shut down last year. It’s called Ficly, and I have an account there. Which is nice.

    So I’m reinstating a tradition from my old blog – on Fridays I will post links to all of the Ficlets Ficlies I have written during the week, along with the opening line and a little bit about where that Ficly came from. So here we go:

    First Contact – June 1st, 09
    Mankind’s first contact with aliens was not a ceremonious affair.

    I like the idea of taking what should be a grand, monumental occassion and trimming it down to something utterly unremarkable. This fit the bill nicely and seemed a good way to start my Ficly-writing.
     

    The Vertigo Vigilante – June 1st, 09
    Darren Hardly wanted to be a superhero. He fit the bill nicely – he was tall and muscular, with that perfect jawline you only see in comic books, the kind you could use to open tins with.

    I also like the idea of someone who feels that they were made for one thing being utterly incapable of fulfilling their ambition.
     

    On the Subject of the Morning After – June 4th, 09
    “No,” said Seb. “There’s much more to life than just sleeping around.”

    I’m sure there are people who will take that opening line and say, “Oh.” But, no. Nothing to do with any of my personal business. In fact this brief Mark & Seb conversation stems from dialog I wrote for a sitcom pilot back in February.
     

    Grammar-Man Vs. the Mayor! – June 4th, 09
    The Mayor stood by the window, looking out at the city below. “I’m sorry, Grammar-Man, but this don’t fly.”

    This Ficly started with the idea of “Nobody’s perfect. Well, except for Captain Perfection.” Everything else just wrote itself around that.

    Dark Chocolate – June 5th, 09
    “There’s no two ways about it,” said his lawyer. “You’re gonna have to settle.”

    This is, I am sure, hardly an original idea, but it popped into my head and I needed to get it down. Pretty disappointed with the lack of rating or comments on this one. I quite like it.
     

    Meatlovers – June 6th, 09
    “Carla, I’ve got something I need to tell you. I’ve been having an affair.”

    I sat down with the intention of writing something depressing, and this came out instead. What does that say about me?

    So there’s that.

  • I’m Selling These Fine Leather Jackets…

    I think it’s safe to say that The Secret of Monkey Island is the single greatest computer game of all time.

    That game is responsible for so many of my ambitions growing up. Back when I was very young I would watch my cousin Andy play the game incessantly, and I learnt to read specifically so I could play the game too.  The artwork of the game inspired me to draw, something I don’t do so much these days. The fantastic dialogue, utterly superb story and brilliant characters made me want to write stories of my own. Monkey Island helped shape so many of my goals growing up. It’s my favourite game ever and, like a good book, I replay it once a year every year forever.

    You have no idea how excited I was to wake up this morning and discover that not only are LucasArts releasing a special edition for the Xbox 360 and PC, but that TellTale Games are working on an episodic series of sequels.

    Go to the special edition website and check it out. They’re not just repackaging the original game. They’re giving it a complete overhaul. They’re going back and recording the voices for all of the characters (the original game was text-only, with the characters getting voice actors for the third game in the series). They’ve reanimated all of the sprites, repainted all of the backgrounds. They don’t appear to Lucasing the game, either – it doesn’t look like they’re going to do silly things like add more background characters to Melee Island™, or make the clock in the centre of town show the correct time. This is not, haha, a Lucas’d remake like A New Hope. This is the exact same game we played twenty years ago. They’re just giving it a polish for us. The option to switch between the original graphics and the new versions at any point during play is indicative of that, and is a fantastic touch.

    I watched the video on LucasArts’ website, and I smiled. Lots. It looks like LucasArts will be at E3, so hopefully I’ll get a peak at the game on Tuesday. I’m overjoyed that series creator Ron Gilbert is involved in both of these projects. The man’s a genius, and to continue Monkey Island without him would be a travesty (as evidenced by Escape From Monkey Island, which was a disaster).

    I’m going to stop typing now and play Monkey Island again.

  • Presenting a new project: Ben Paddon’s Feeble Excuse

    I’m rather pleased to announce that after weeks of planning, (which themselves followed months of “Is this a good idea? Can I make it work? Will people be interested?”) I’m ready to lift the curtain on a project that will be going live next month:

    The premise for Ben Paddon’s Feeble Excuse is so simple it may actually leave you feeling insulted. Each week I will be interviewing someone who I admire or who has inspired me – an actor, a musician, a programmer, an artist, or perhaps someone you’ve never even heard of before – just because I want to. I’ll be chatting with them about what they do, and asking the sort of questions I haven’t heard answers to yet.

    One of the aims is to have a weekly podcast about 30 to 45 minutes in length that is hopefully a lot of fun to listen to. But the key aim, as implied by the title, is just to get a chance to chat with people I want to chat with.

    The show will be launching at the end of June and while I can’t reveal a full roster of interviewees for the first season just yet, I’m quite pleased to announce that the first episode will feature an interview with Jonathan Coulton. Why? Well, because I’ve wanted to talk to him for ages about, ooh, lots of things.

    The podcast is very kindly being sponsored by SoulGeek.com, who have politely asked me not to talk about the bodies they keep under the basement in their corporate headqu– oh, DAMMIT!

  • Wayne Allwine – RIP

    I’ve just been informed that Wayne Allwine, the voice of Mickey Mouse since 1977, sadly passed away on Monday from complications caused by Diabetes.

    I had the pleasure of meeting both Wayne and his wife Russi, the current voice of Minnie Mouse, on several occasions when I worked for Disney. Wayne never struck me as anything but a gentleman. It always surprised me just how tall, thin and naturally deep-voiced was (certainly deep in comparison to the character he voiced for thirty-two years). Seeing him and Russi was always a treat, and they never seemed like people who thought themselves too important or too busy to stop and chat with a desk monkey like me.

  • Jump Leads Posters!

    This is a glorious day for wall decor enthusiasts everywhere.

  • The Beatles: Bigger Than Chuck Norris

    Tonight has been spent alternating between early planning for an animation pitch (one that has me very excited and more energized than anything else I’ve worked on over the past two years) and jumping onto Twitter to join Peter Serafinowicz and Graham Lineham in their #beatlesfacts meme. I actually have no idea if they started it, but the certainly brought it to my attention and I’ve enjoyed participating. Here’s a few I posted…

    • Ironically, John Lennon was born without an imagination. 
    • Ringo Starr was struck by lightning during the Beatles’ first tour of the US, temporarily leaving him able to play the drums. 
    • Neither John Lennon nor George Harrison are actually dead. Paul, however, is. 
    • Liverpool didn’t exist until 1942. McCartney was born in a meadow, and the city erupted out of the ground around him.
    • All four of the Beatles were allergic to Arsenic, and would refuse to eat any meal that included it as an ingredient. 
    • Yoko Ono is actually Bono in a wig. 
    • The Beatles were fully trained hyponotists, often hypnotizing whole stadiums at the start of a show then napping for 2 hours. 

    And here’s some of my favourites from others:

    • President Obama owns the only egg ever to be laid by a Beatle (Ringo). – Serafinowicz
    • Of all their many lineups, most agree the definitive one was John, Paul, Vince, Salbatoré and Prototype-Ringo. – Serafinowicz
    • Paul had a malformed Siamese twin growing out of his chest who occasionally displayed telepathic powers. – pamberjack
    • None of the Beatles was actually ever a Sargeant. – johnrshanley
    • The Beatles originally wanted to call themselves The Coleopteras, but couldn’t figure out how to misspell it. – loki5
    • The character of Mean Mr. Mustard later pursued a successful military career, albeit one blighted by accusations of murder. – stephen_normal
    • When startled, Ringo Starr can inflate to over 6 times his normal size to deter predators. The dark glasses are precautionary. – bookemdanno
    • Ringo stands to collect a huge payout from Corals if he can just get Paul to eat meat. – jonrshanley
    •  In a mathematical anomaly which has baffled academics for years, the square root of Beatles = Beatles. – stephen_normal
    • “The Beatles Kama Sutra” was withdrawn from bookshops after a woman was killed during a Reverse Flying Ringo. – blearyboy

    This is far too much fun. The best ones need to be collected on a Chuck Norris Facts style website. Brilliant.

  • An open letter to Film Critics

    Dear Film Critics,

    I’m not going to lie, I’m slightly envious of your position. You have somehow managed to reach a point where you are basically paid to tell people what you think of this film, or that film. Bloggers like myself are doing that for nothing, which either means we’re remarkably stupid or you’re remarkably clever. The idea that someone can find a career as an Opinion Merchant is one that appeals to me greatly, and I hope some day to be able to count myself amongst your numbers.

    I do take exception, however, to just how incredibly lazy some of you are.

    Firstly, I think it goes without saying that “If you liked x, you’ll love y” is not a review. It barely qualifies as a comparison. Telling me that I’ll love Watchmen because I think The Dark Knight is brilliant? That’s rubbish, and it’s easy-to-write rubbish because they happen to fall into the same genre. I know people who love Notting Hill but absolutely detest Love Actually. There are more than plenty of people out there who adore Lord of the Rings but cannot stand Harry Potter (and no, I don’t care what you say – they are the same genre). If I were your Editor-in-Chief, I would dock your wages for telling me that y is good because it happens to share some familiar elements with x.

    This goes double for “it’s x meets y“. That’s not a review. That’s a pitch. You don’t have to pitch the film to me, you just have to tell me what you thought of it. If your thought was “it’s x meets y” then your opinion is, I think, far too limited to deserve being paid for.

    Finally, and this is perhaps the most important point, there is no such thing as a “popcorn movie”. It doesn’t exist. Nobody, and I mean nobody goes to the theatre to sit there and just eat the popcorn. Describing any film (a recent example being X-Men Origins: Wolverine) as a “popcorn movie” is non-committal, time-wasting bollocks. The film is either worth seeing or it isn’t, and if the best you can muster in the review is thoughts on the concessions then the film probably isn’t worth seeing. I can stay at home and eat much nicer popcorn for far less the expense.

    Please think about this the next time you get to see a movie for free so you can write about it.

    Kind regards,
    Ben Paddon