Ben Paddon

Blog

  • An open letter to Companies Who Send Out Spam Email

    Dear Time Vampires,

    Thank you for your rescent correspondence, in which you have expressed an interest, nay, concern that my penis may not be quite as long and hard as my lady friends might perhaps prefer. Your suggestion that I “make [my] pecker glorious!” (a suggestion you made in the interest of “carnal victories!”) did not fall on deaf ears. That being said, while I appreciate your continued engrossment in the size of my sexual organs, your concern is unwarranted.

    Similarly, I do not gamble. I never have done. Alright, technically that’s a lie – when I was 12 I put a £1 coin into a fruit machine in a pub, but I didn’t win anything and the experience left me dispondant towards the notion of gambling. It’s unlikely, then, that I will be visiting any one of the online casinos you have recommended to me over the last six years.

    Finally, I must stress to you that I am not Russian and do not presently live in a house with a Septic Tank, so I must politely decline your cleaning fluid.

    With regards,
    Ben Paddon

  • I Wonder Who Authorizes the Adverts on Facebook?

    Er...Because they’re not doing a very good job.

  • Things I Did at San Diego Comic-Con #1

    I found him!

    “I found him!”

    Photograph taken by Joe LaJeunesse

  • Ben reviews “The Secret of Monkey Island: Special Edition”

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    Whenever a company decides to revisit one of its beloved creations, there is always a risk that they’re going to tamper with something fundemental to what makes it work. Star Wars fans around the world are still having debates over who shot first. Red Dwarf: Remastered left fans of the show complaining about the new, elongated ship. E.T: The Extra Terrestrial Anniversary Edition replaced guns with Walkie Talkies, and consequently looked stupid. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, while not a remastering, did attempt to recreate the formula of earlier titles in the series and failed horribly.

    It can’t have escaped your notice that two of the four examples I mentioned above are from the George Lucas stable, which is slightly worrying when you consider that the Secret of Monkey Island was released back in 1990 by a little company called LucasFilm Games. Ninteen years later the company, now known as LucasArts (or “that company who has developed virtually nothing but Star Wars games for the last decade”), have revisited their seminal graphic adventure game, giving it a new coat of paint, improved sound and audio, and bringing in voice actors to read that wonderfully sharp dialogue. But is it another Star Wars: Special Edition? Or are we looking at the gaming equivalent of Blade Runner: The Final Cut?

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    The answer is, “Yes.” What does that mean? Well, it’s sort-of a halfway house. The change in the art direction is unavoidably noticable – everything has been completely and utterly reanimated from the ground up. Backgrounds have been repainted, inventory images have been redrawn (although in some cases it’s pretty obvious that the inventory art hasn’t so much been redrawn as it has taken directly from the original and smoothed over), and characters have been redesigned and reanimated frame-by-frame. This has, for the most part, been done wonderfully: The majority of the backgrounds look utterly stunning, and I won’t mind having some high-res prints to frame and hang on my way.

    The character redesign is mostly hit-and-miss, though. Fans seem to be split over whether or not the redesign given to protagonist Guybrush Threepwood (seen on the far left of the above screenshot sporting a fetching white shirt and black pantaloon ensemble) is really any good, with most fans focusing on his haircut. Personally I don’t mind Guybrush’s new look, even if I do miss the boyish curly hair of the original, but a lot of the other characters really didn’t mesh for me. The shopkeeper in the centre of Mêlée Island is perhaps one of the better examples – from the original pixel art I got the image of a scruffy, hairy, slightly round-faced old man. In this redesign, though, the guy looks fairly rugged if still remarkably hairy. Stan, the second-hand boat salesman, is another such example. He has far too much chin for my liking, and his arm flailing somehow loses much of the comedic value it had in the original artwork.

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    Another problem I had with the art design was the close-up headshots you get of some of the characters during dialogue. The original art, which seems to have been based on actual photography rather than having been hand-drawn, gives each character two facial expressions in the headshots. For a couple of these characters the difference between the two is subtle – Mancomb Seepgood has a wry smile, Carla the Swordmaster of Mêlée Island ha sa disapproving frown, Governor Marley has a smile which is subtle but cute. In the revised artwork, wherein everyone has been given a cartoony makeover, the difference between the two shots is far from subtle. Seepgood’s smile is rather in-your-face, Carla’s frown has turned into a rather fierce scowl, and Marley’s smile simply isn’t cute anymore (perhaps because she has ridiculous cat’s eyes now).

    The voice acting, then. For the most part, it’s pretty damned good. The cast from The Curse of Monkey Island and Escape From Monkey Island return to voice their characters, with the recognizable voices of Dominic Armato and Earl Boen returning to fill the vocal chords of Threepwood and LeChuck respectively, and British actor Alexandra Boyd lending her voice once again to Elaine Marley, Threepwood’s love interest. Boyd was the first of two actors to voice the role (Marley was voiced by Charity James in Escape From Monkey Island and came across as far too aggressive and hen-pecky for my tastes) and she is, in my opinion, the better of the two, but here her voice just seems to stick out. She seems to have approached Secret as she would a children’s television show, and she sounds rather sing-song and Pantomimesque at times. She was brilliant in Curse, where the approach suited the hand-animated cartoon style, but here it just doesn’t quite work for me.

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    And that’s a problem I have with a lot of the voice acting in this game. It doesn’t seem to fit. It’s much the same problem fans of novels or book series have when Hollywood decides to adapt them – what comes across on the screen simply cannot match what one envisions inside of one’s own mind, and a lot of the voices in this game simply didn’t seem right to me. Where it works, it works remarkably well – the aforementioned shopkeeper sounds more or less as I’d imagined him to, as did Herman Toothrot and Meathook – but a lot of the voices… Hm. You have to understand, I’ve been playing this game since I was five. The characters’ voices have had eighteen years to develop in my head. When my little sister was old enough to play the game but not old enough to be able to read it, I would sit with her and read the dialogue, doing the voices as I went. It’s a very personal thing for me, and to hear what sounds like a very poorly-matched voice coming from the mouth of a character I’ve been hearing perfectly for nearly two decades… well, it’s jarring.

    I feel I’m focusing far too much on the aesthetic negatives here – for all its faults, the Special Edition builds and improves upon much that was laid down in the original. The musical score in particular is absolutely magnificent – hearing the theme tune swell up for the first time made my heart skip a beat, and it was all I could do to stop myself from crying. I’m serious. The themes to Doctor Who, Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased), Red Dwarf and Futurama all elicit that same response from me,  because I’m a ruddy great big softie. Right now, I feel like I need to have that theme as the ringtone on my iPhone. In fact I wouldn’t mind having the entire soundtrack. It was beautifully, wonderfully, spectacularly scored, managing to somehow both be the original soundtrack and also be a seperate thing entirely.

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    Perhaps the smartest decision that LucasArts made during the development process was to build the code for this new game on top of the original game, allowing you to switch between the spangly new Special Edition and the original game at any point with the press of a button. It’s a wonderful addition, one that you wish George Lucas would have instated on the original Star Wars trilogy DVDs. I had intended to play through the entire game in the new Special Edition mode but I found my curiosity getting the better of me, occasionally pressing the hotswap button to compare the old with the new. Indeed, in one instance this was actually necessary – there is a puzzle that occurs towards the end of the game’s first part where you have to take a tankard of grog from Mêlée Island’s only bar to the jail cell to corrode the lock and help a prisoner escape, and you have to pour the grog from one tankard to another as you go since it also eats away at the pewter tankard. The new interface, which hides the inventory and verb menus off-screen, simply doesn’t allow you to switch from one tankard to another as hastily as you’d like.

    I had this problem again at the game’s finale. Without wanting to give away the final puzzle for potential newcomers to the series, it’s a time-sensitive puzzle that I can usually execute it quickly – Pick up x, use x on y. Five clicks. Easy. With the new interface, however, I had to press Ctrl to bring up the verb menu, click Pick up, click on x, press Ctrl and Alt to bring up the Verb and Inventory menus, click Use, click x, then click on y. I didn’t do this in time on my first try and had to wait for the second chance to execute it. I swear baby, that never happens.

    A thought occurs – I’m playing on a PC, and I have a pretty quick mouse hand (and you can stop that snickering at the back). I can’t imagine the frustration someone playing on the Xbox 360 with a controller might experience on that puzzle…*

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    And therein, perhaps, lies the crux of the problem with The Secret of Monkey Island: Special Edition. For all the love that went into it, for all the painstaking effort that went into reanimating each sprite, repainting each background, re-recording each piece of music, it has perhaps been over-thought. It would have been nice to at least have the option of shrinking the game window a little and keeping the verb and inventory menus at the bottom of the screen, as per the tradition. It might maybe have been interesting to be able to mix-and-match elements, allowing us to play with the original graphics but keep, say, the re-scored music or the voice acting.

    But mostly it’s nice to see Monkey Island at the forefront of gaming news and chatter once again. It’s fantastic to see a generation of new fans experiencing what I have experienced over the last two decades. It’s remarkable that LucasArts have given players the option of playing the original, untouched version of the game as well as the spiffy new special edition. Despite my chief complaints, this is still The Secret of Monkey Island. This is still one of the most seminal, groundbreaking, important games of all time. It’s still challenging, humorous, entertaining and, above all else, fun. You’ll have a hard time finding a more complete, enjoyable gaming experience for $10.

    Final Scores

    Substance – 8.5
    Style – 7
    Slant – 9.5

    Overall
    8 out of 10

    (For comparison, the original gets a full 10.)

    * Update on July 16th: Andrew Ellard, who I suppose could be described as a friend, has been playing Monkey Island SE on his Xbox 360 and had this to say concerning the fiddly controls on the grog tankard puzzle:

    Here I am, posting at 4am having downloaded TSOMI today and literally just completed this part of the game…and it was fine. By the time I got the the tankards, I’d already dropped using the pop-up command menu almost entirely. The 360 version allocates a command each to the eight directions of the D-pad, and that’s how I’m doing 90% of my selections.

    Though it’s not ideal compared to the mouse-pointing I did on the Amiga way back when (where, in fact, I don’t think I fully played this game, but skipped straight on to Monkey Island 2), it didn’t cause any mayor problem. And it’s preferable, just, to moving the pointer to the options in the Classic mode when using a controller.

    Pfft. 360 gamers catch all the breaks.

  • Jump Leads #1 “Training Day” script added to my portfolio

    Today I added the script for Jump Leads #1: Training Day to my portfolio. It’s not a great example of my work – the stage direction is overly descriptive, for one. This was always true of the script, even when I submitted it to the BBC back in 2006, however I wanted to put it up mostly for comparison as within the next few days I’ll be posting a revised, “clean” version of the script that I intend to use as part of a television pitch later in the year.

  • Why Monkey Island is my Star Wars

    During my childhood I was sucked into a seemingly vast fictional world that was populated with rogues, scoundrels, a dark evil and a plucky young kid wanting to learn the ways a time long gone by. I speak, of course, of The Secret of Monkey Island, a game written by Ron Gilbert and published by LucasFilm Games (who later changed their name to LucasArts).

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    I was four years old when Secret was released, and while I couldn’t really read at the time I would watch for hours as my cousin Andy played the game on our old Amiga 500. I had absolutely no idea what was going on, but I was captivated by what I saw on screen. Back then games didn’t have voice actors to deliver the lines – there simply wasn’t the space on the floppy disks – so all of the in-game dialogue appeared on screen above the characters. I couldn’t read at that age, but I pushed myself to learn so I could play the game myself. I was, I think, six when I finally completed the game for the first time, when I finally saw the hero Guybrush Threepwood and his love Elaine Marley standing at Stan’s Second Hand Shipyard watching the body of the Ghost Pirate LeChuck explode like fireworks against the night sky. I have never been so infatuated by an image in all my life. It is burned into my mind, a perfect glistening memory, the one thing I think of when I remember the youngest days of my childhood.

    A couple of years later I’d heard that a second game, LeChuck’s Revenge: Monkey Island 2, had been released. Although I would read about it in the Amiga magazines my Dad bought it would be several years before I finally got to play the game myself. I filled that time with other, similar adventure games. I found my Dad’s old King’s Quest games and worked my way through the first three in the series. They were charming but they didn’t elicit the same feeling of excitement and wonder that the first game did. The closest a game came to doing that was 1993’s Simon the Sorcerer, a British-developed game that felt spiritually very similar to Secret. This was also the first adventure game I played with voice actors instead of on-screen text, and it featured none other than Red Dwarf star Chris Barrie as the titular teenaged wizard.

    1997 saw the release of The Curse of Monkey Island, the third game in the series, but that year I was too busy wrapping my head around Revenge for the first time, having been given a cracked pirate copy for the Amiga by a friend of the family. That beast came on eleven floppy disks, by far the biggest game I’d ever played at the time. I can’t define the sheer amount of excitement that filled my young heart as I installed the game to my computer’s hard drive (at that time a beefed up Amiga 1200 that my Dad had left us when he moved to the States). Each time the installer asked for the next disk I felt the grip of anxiousness and glee tighten. One disk down, ten to go… one step closer to being able to see what happens next to our entrepid pirate wannabe.

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    I was probably just as taken aback by the ending to Revenge as practically every other Monkey Island fan out there had been years before when the game had first come out. Without wanting to ruin it, the ending was a bizarre, unexpected, bittersweet cliffhanger that has been both hailed as one of the finest endings to a game of all time and the laziest, worst piece of trash ever to come from the Lucas stable. At the time I hated it. It felt like a kick in the groin, like LucasArt and Ron Gilbert had taken our money and ridden their solid gold speedboat down the cash river out to the open waters of the Financial Gain Ocean. Anyone who’s played any game by Hideo Kojima no doubt knows the feeling well.

    Over time, and after discovering an article that explores Guybrush’s world and what the secret of Monkey Island might be, the ending began to make more sense to me. It began to feel less lazy and more finely crafted. A second playthrough of LeChuck’s Revenge some years later (and, in fact, a playthrough of the very first game) revealed a ton of stuff to me that helped make the ending much less nonsensical to me. I now think it’s the greatest ending to a game ever produced.

    The series could, and perhaps should have ended there. It didn’t. Two further games were produced, without the aid of Ron Gilbert who left LucasArts to do his own thing. While The Curse of Monkey Island was an exceptional game, a thoroughly enjoyable and very humorous adventure, it was missing something integral… some key element that made it feel like a Monkey Island game. In many ways Curse is the end of Monkey Island because the fourth title, Escape From Monkey Island, is a trainwreck – the leap to 3D didn’t benefit the game at all, leaving fans with horrible controls, terrible fan service and failed attempts to revisit locations from the previous games. It still had that classic Monkey Island wit, but without the charm and with an ending even worse than Curse‘s it wasn’t worth the time it took me to go to the store and buy it.

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    The entire Monkey Island franchise can be easily compared to the Star Wars saga. Secret is an utterly brilliant game that took gamers by surprise when it was released. Revenge is a marvellous experience building upon the groundwork laid down by Secret building to a crescendo cliffhanger (in this case, almost literally) that fans desperately wanted to see resolved. Curse is a good third entry, but the veneer is beginning to peel – it’s clear that this is the beginning of the end. And Escape… well, Escape is the entry everybody was looking forward to that couldn’t deliver and left fans feeling bitter and angry.

    The Star Wars parallels continue – yesterday saw the release of The Secret of Monkey Island: Special Edition, a high-definition reworking of the game that started it all. The artwork had been completely redone from the ground up. The music has been rescored, this time using actual, real, actual instruments. The dialogue, that brilliant, gloriously witty dialogue, has been recorded by a team of voice actors many of them reprising their roles from later games in the series. The entire thing has been, dare I say, remastered. And has it worked? Well, it’s hit and miss, and I’ll address that in another blog post.

    I grew up with Monkey Island. I grew up wanting to be Guybrush Threepwood. The Secret of Monkey Island is the game that made pirates cool again. It’s the game that made adventure games not just another game on the shelf but made them events. Before Secret I hadn’t experienced a game with such a wonderfully crafted narrative before, and while titles like King’s Quest had stories they were so loose and freedom (what you’d probably call a “sandbox” game in today’s gaming vernacular) so as to be largely irrelevant. Secret was the first game I fell in love with. It’s the game that made me want to make games myself. It’s the game that made me want to be a writer.

    The Secret of Monkey Island, along with two of its three sequels, is the greatest computer game of all time. It will always have a special place in my heart.

  • Can You Give My Mum A Lift At Comic-Con?

    My Mum is not, strictly speaking, the healthiest person on the planet. Diabetes has done its part to rob her of a large majority of her eyesight and also limit her movement. She’s one of those people who whizzes around Asda in one of those Shop Mobitility scooter-cart dealies. She’s always telling me of some sort of ache or another. It’s such a shame to see such a fiercely independent person lose some of that independence like she has.

    But despite her medical woes, she couldn’t be more bubbly, more fun, more cheerful to speak to. She’s as full of life now as she’s ever been, and I absolutely admire that. I do so love my Mum, and every day I wish I could pop over to her house just to say hello.

    She’s currently in the process of moving house, as the house she lives in now – the house my sister and I grew up in, and the house she grew up in for that matter – is simply too big for her to manage alone. She’s moving to a smaller house near some close to family which will help her immensely, but she’s still going to struggle with the stairs every day.

    With her legs as they are, she tends to go downstairs once in the morning, and go back upstairs once at night. It’s not convenient and it’s not easy, and I’d like to do something about that.

    This year I will be taking a book with me to the San Diego Comic-Con. My goal is to fill the pages with sketches, doodles, autographs and what-have-you, and then mail it to my Mum where she can hopefully sell it to raise some cash to go towards a Stairlift to be installed in her new home. Will she get any real coin for it? Who knows? But it’s bound to raise some money, and some money is better than no money at all.

  • James Moran is not your Bitch

    From Torchwood writer James Moran’s blog, concerning some of the angry, bitter feedback he’s had from a small group of “fans” about certain decisions they made during the story plotting process:

    So here’s the deal: I’m a professional writer. That’s my job. I write what I write, for whatever the project might be. I have the utmost respect for you, and honestly want you to like my work, but I can’t let that affect my story decisions. Everybody wants different things from a story, but this is not a democracy, you do not get to vote. You are free to say what you think of my work, even if you hate it, I honestly don’t mind. But the ONLY person I need to please is myself, and the ONLY thing I need to serve is the story. Not you. I will do my work to the very best of my ability, in an attempt to give you the best show, the best movie, the best story, the best entertainment I possibly can. Even if that means that sometimes, I’ll do things you won’t like. I won’t debate it. Either you go along with it, or you don’t. None of it is done to hurt you, or to force some agenda down your throat, or anything else. It’s all in service of the story.

    I have to say, I agree with him entirely. Read the entire post here.